eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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