Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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