like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
