Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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