no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
