You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
