Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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