thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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