...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
