Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
