Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize