All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
