Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
