i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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