You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
