pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
high people should be assigned attendants
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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