Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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