i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
