if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
