The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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