so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
