38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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