and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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