No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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