I heard we made out
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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