I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
