it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
