please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
