You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
