I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
