If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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