You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
