Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
