How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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