I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
