Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
