If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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