I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize