smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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