he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
