I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
