i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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