first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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