I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
