i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
