when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
