I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can vaginas get frostbite?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
