I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
