Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize