you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
