i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
