Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
