the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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