That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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