He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
