69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
