I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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