he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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