I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
