Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
