Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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