I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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