I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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