Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize