I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
