real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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