Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
