ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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