whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
