i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
